Searching for the sunny side of things....

I have simply been avoiding blogger because I know the post I am about to do will sound pathetic. I am very aware that there are people suffering all over the world and that what I am about to blog about can't even compare to the trials some people face day in and day out. But, I am hoping that by finally blogging about this I can move past it and get back to blogging about the fun stuff.
I returned to work three weeks ago. I knew it would be every adjective of tough to leave Renn in preschool and to not be responsible for his daily care at all times, but I never imagined it would be physically and mentally painful. It causes such heartache to leave him day in and out. It is painful to watch him cry, painful to see him simply be moved from swing, to bouncy, to crib, to floor all for the sake of appeasing him. I am there to feed him and I see the ladies working so hard to feed, change and care for the babies in the room so its not that I think anyone is being a slacker it's just that I know when we are at home it is so much more. We laugh, play, look at new things, sing, practice new skills and simply engage in the act of connecting.
I know I honestly can't go on like this. So Eric and I are looking at options... I even went so far as to see how you go about getting a job delivering papers. (Hey, I figure it would be something I could do before he wakes up :) ) Who knows what will transpire, but there has to be another solution. I told my mom the other day I wished I had started a savings account as a kid that could have been used to be a "stay at home mom". But, I just never imagined.
I truly do know that I have the best set-up possible. But, it is just not enough. I wish I could list off a bunch of positives right now, but I can't. All I know is I want to be the one caring for my little tree frog.